I apologize for the long absence. I started writing about setting realistic expectations for children, but along the way, I drifted into different territory. The election season got me thinking of the high expectations I expect of myself and other adults I interact with on a typical day. I especially started thinking about expectations and hope in light of the recent presidential election. Many of us are feeling hope for the first time in years, but others are anxious or even angry. I am still relatively young, but I’ve never felt such a divide in our country.
I have already written on Dr. Brene Brown’s lovely book Braving the Wilderness, but so much of it applies now. I am confounded at the following that Trump has, and I must admit that it is easy to dehumanize him and his supporters. It is a daily struggle to remind myself that I probably have more in common with these people than otherwise. Is it fair or reasonable to expect others to think the same way I do on every issue? Brown warns of the dangers of adopting an “us vs. them” mentality, which assumes there are only two options and ignores the complexity of society’s problems.
What does this have to do with expectations? As others have already pointed out, this election was not a landslide. A disturbingly high number of people thought that Trump deserved a second term. I am not saying that we should not carry hope in our hearts as we move forward, but we need to expect that there is much more that needs to be done. A reckoning, as other, better writers have already described. Without deep soul-searching and hard work, our country is susceptible to falling for another snake oil salesman (and chances are, the next could be even worse).
A concept from therapy surfaced in my mind when I thought about expectation-setting: a growth vs. fixed mindset. A fixed mindset believes an individual’s basic abilities, intelligence, and talents are fixed (i.e. they are set at birth and cannot change or improve). People with a growth mindset, on the other hand, believe they can learn and improve their abilities with dedicated practice. What do we tell ourselves about what we can or cannot do?
This idea does not necessarily pertain to society and politics. Still, if we extend this thinking outward, we can ask ourselves: are we convinced that people cannot change or improve themselves? Are we convinced that the world cannot get better? The cynicism inherent in a fixed mindset approach could also hamper our efforts to connect with others or to try to improve our problems. We must avoid thinking that we know everything, and the “opposition” knows nothing. It is essential to approach others with compassion, curiosity, and recognition that we are not so different. I also try to remain humble. Others (even those I do not agree with) can teach me a lot if I am willing to listen.
I am sorry if these thoughts make little sense. I have few words and little energy these days. Stay safe, my friends. Stay hopeful, stay loving, and keep working toward a better future.
Thank you!!1