I have written in a journal for nearly my whole life. Writing has been crucial for maintaining my mental health, especially during the challenging times of my life. There are professional websites that offer solid advice on dealing with a toxic work situation. Standard information includes avoiding gossip, soothing your boss’s ego as best you can, or simply walking away. Sometimes things improve, or you learn to work with your current circumstances. In the meantime, however, we need to take care of ourselves and our mental health to avoid a downward spiral where decisions are made based on fear and anxiety. Journaling is an excellent way to develop a more mindful approach to life. It allows you to recognize your feelings and needs in the present moment, identify your values, and act accordingly.
Writing Helps Develop Mindfulness
Mindful.org describes mindfulness as “the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are, and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.” The key concepts of mindfulness include setting aside time and space, practicing kindness and compassion toward yourself, and paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It also involves slowing down and paying attention to feelings without reacting to them. In mindfulness, we consider the thoughts that create these feelings. Brittany Nowicki explains that journaling can promote mindful living by allowing reflection on thoughts and feelings. Writing on paper will enable you to stay present and focus on any worries or anxieties, but also provides a space to explore new ideas and examine the positive.
One way writing helps us practice kindness to ourselves is by providing an opportunity to engage in positive self-talk. A method in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for combating depression or anxiety is to write down negative thoughts and counter these thoughts with reasonable and compassionate thoughts. In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, Dr. David Burns identifies eight types of cognitive distortions (Burns, 1999):
- All-or-nothing thinking: Any mistake makes you feel like a total failure. Experiences are forced into absolute categories, which do not accurately reflect reality.
- Overgeneralization: An assumption that something that happened once will happen over and over.
- Mental filter: Picking out a negative detail about a situation or event, and exclusively focusing on it.
- Disqualifying the positive: Turning positive or neutral experiences into negative ones.
- Jumping to conclusions (two ways):
- Mind reading: you assume you know what others are thinking.
- The fortune-teller error: Predictions about what may happen are distorted into facts.
- Emotional reasoning: You assume your emotions accurately reflect reality, i.e. “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
- Magnification/minimization: You exaggerate or minimize the importance of things. You may overstate the significance of a negative experience (e.g. a mistake at work) or minimize your positive qualities.
- Should statements: You may use “should” or “should not” statements to try to motivate yourself, but this just creates more guilt. These comments can also be directed at others, creating anger and resentment.
In the past, I tended only to write the negative thoughts and feelings I was experiencing, but I have learned that to benefit from journaling fully, I need also to recognize how my thoughts are distorted and challenge these thoughts. I’ve been able to talk myself down off a ledge when I had myself convinced that I was going to get fired (jumping to conclusions). I am aware when I start using “should” statements. I also notice when I apply these “should” statements to my co-workers and supervisor, not just myself. By challenging my negative thought patterns, I develop greater kindness and compassion toward myself and even other people. Challenging the negative thought patterns helps pave the way for healthier ways of thinking. With a clearer mind, I can better analyze my work situation. Is it as bad as I think it is? What is within my power to control? Do my thought patterns make my circumstances seem worse than they really are?
Developing a Sense of Gratitude Through Writing
Gratitude journals are another form of therapeutic writing many people use. I have never developed a consistent practice of writing down a given number of things I’m grateful for each day (a common form of this practice), but some researchers argue that it takes more than that for gratitude journals to be effective at elevating mood levels.
Jason Marsh, the founding editor in chief of Greater Good, consulted with Robert Emmons, PhD., on how to maximize the benefit of keeping a gratitude journal. First, it’s best to make a conscious decision to become happier and more grateful, rather than just “going through the motions.” Additionally, explaining in detail about something you’re grateful for is more beneficial than a simple list (which is probably a major reason why I did not find the common method of listing helpful). Dr. Emmons also argues that focusing on people to whom you are grateful for has a greater positive effect than focusing on things for which you’re grateful.
Another point to consider is how your life would be without the people and things for which you’re grateful. I was struck by Dr. Emmons’ idea to focus greater attention on events that were unexpected or surprising, “as these tend to elicit stronger feelings of gratitude.” Personally, I know that jotting down that I’m grateful for the same things/people/events every day does not do as much for me as something specific and positive that happened unexpectedly. The final point made in Marsh’s article surprised me: writing once or twice a week is better than daily journaling. “We adapt to positive events quickly, especially if we constantly focus on them,” says Emmons. “It seems counterintuitive, but it is how the mind works.” We may not feel a rush of gratitude for something we think about constantly, something that has become the new “normal.”
When I take a moment to write about the positive things happening in my life, including the things I enjoy about my current job, I have a more balanced view of my situation, and don’t feel as pressured or desperate to make immediate changes which may make circumstances worse.
Writing to Define Personal Values and Set Boundaries
Personal boundaries are defined as “guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them, and how they will respond when someone passes their limits.” One important aspect of boundary-setting is to know your values, which I found is not always easy to recall offhand. I knew some immediately: my family, friends, spirituality/God relationship, but it has taken life experiences, both good and bad, to recognize other less obvious values. My current job situation has shown me how much I value compassion, self-care, and empathy, and I see how those values are not always reflected in my workplace.
Clear communication, both written and verbal, is also crucial for setting boundaries. Some may find this silly, but over the holidays I started practicing my speech to give if or when I give my notice or am terminated. In this speech I communicate my values, needs, and feelings in a way that is respectful, calm, and kind. I look in a mirror while speaking out loud with my hair dryer on (I’m self-conscious about speaking out loud). It may sound silly, but I feel empowered when articulating my values and needs. This also helps with another aspect of setting boundaries: you must bring up boundary violations right away. Preparing for boundary violations with concrete explanations that focus on real results is essential. Writing down your feelings (and speaking them aloud) helps you to discover what’s important to you, and to practice communicating your needs and values.
Learning Perspective Through Writing
Sometimes in difficult moments, gaining a new perspective on my situation helps my mind settle. One technique I’ve learned is to look at myself from a third-party perspective (one therapist described it as “if you were a fly on the wall.” What would an outside observer listening in (say, a fly) think about my situation? Would it seem so hopeless to an objective third party? A similar approach is to consider how I would counsel a friend in the same scenario. Would I be as hard on my friend as I am on myself? Why should I treat myself any differently? These methods have helped me develop compassion toward myself. I even have a sense of gratitude for all the good things in my life. Writing down my negative thoughts and countering them with wiser and more rational thoughts also helps me gain perspective on my circumstances.
Creative writing is a fun way to use your imagination and “walk in someone else’s shoes.” I once wrote a scene featuring a former boss “behind the scenes,” which showed the vulnerable, suffering person underneath the hard exterior. As I mentioned previously, I hold other people to the same high standard to which I hold myself. It feels good to let go of those expectations—humanizing an individual whom I usually see as 100% evil is surprisingly refreshing. It provides an unexpected peace of mind.
Conclusion
In a toxic workplace, it is important to pause and assess your situation, and writing helps with this process. What thoughts or thought processes serve you, and which are hurtful? Writing can help you develop greater mindfulness by creating greater awareness of your present condition. How are you feeling? What do you need right now? We also gain greater insights into who we are, what our values and aspirations are, and whether they are aligned with our current job and company. You may ultimately decide to leave, but by thinking things through (and writing them down), you will be better able to know how you feel, what you need, and be better prepared to take action.
Works Cited
Burns, David D. (1999). Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. New York: Avon Books.
Marsh, Jason. (2011). Tips for Keeping a Gratitude Journal. Retrieved March 12, 2020, from the Greater Good Magazine Web site: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/tips_for_keeping_a_gratitude_journal
Mindful. (2020). Retrieved March 12, 2020, from https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/
Nowicki, B. Why You Need a Mindful Journaling Practice & Tips to Get You Started. Retrieved March 12, 2020, from the YogiApproved.com Web site: https://www.yogiapproved.com/life/need-mindful-journaling-practice-tips-get-started/
Personal Boundaries. (2020). Wikipedia. Retrieved March 16, 2020, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_boundaries