If I were only allowed one word to describe how I’ve been feeling lately, I would choose burnout (or I guess burned out, which is two words). I am overwhelmed by everything that is going on in the world. The coronavirus pandemic has profoundly impacted mental health for many people in this time of fear and uncertainty. On top of that, we struggle with the fact that racism is still very much a problem in American society. On a personal level, I struggle as a young mother trying to break into a new career as a writer.
Recently, I took an online assessment at work, which told me that I have low resilience. I was shocked, as I pride myself on all the challenges I’ve overcome in my life so far, and my mental health is one of my top priorities. It made me wonder: what is resilience, and how can I improve it?
What is Resilience?
The American Psychological Association defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress – such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors.” Resilience does not mean that an individual does not experience pain or hardship. It is not necessarily a personality trait, but instead involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that we can learn and develop. Resilience is not being happy 100% of the time, regardless of your circumstances. Psychological resilience is produced by “getting better at feeling bad” (Manson, 2020).
The APA describes four components of building resilience: building connections (e.g., staying connected to friends and family), cultivating wellness (e.g., maintaining physical health through adequate hydration and exercise), embracing healthy thoughts, and finding purpose.
Discussions of self-care frequently mention the first three points. If you were to ask a person how to take care of themselves, I would argue that they would list at least a few items on this checklist. This does not diminish their importance, but finding purpose? I had never connected purpose with resilience until now. Perspective also has a vital role with purpose and resilience.
Purpose and Perspective
Our frame of mind is essential for resilience. We do not have control over most things, but we can gain some control over our thoughts. Rather than catastrophizing our negative experiences, we can use them as lessons and adopt a healthier mindset, which tells us it is possible to overcome our circumstances. We need to pay attention to the unhealthy thoughts and beliefs that limit us and replace them with healthy thoughts, which will heal and connect us to other people. “You cannot control your pain,” Mark Manson writes, “But you can control how you think about your pain” (Manson, 2020).
Our thoughts and attitudes about our work, for example, have a significant impact on our resilience in the workplace. People’s viewpoints of their occupations have been divided into three categories by researchers: a job, a career, or a calling. In a job, the work is seen mostly as a way to earn money necessary to live; in a career, there is a focus on advancement and promotion; a calling focuses on enjoyable work that one finds fulfilling and socially useful (Wrzesniewski et al., 1997: 21). Wrzesniewski et al.’s study found that seeing one’s work as a calling may enhance resilience. Studies of war veterans, survivors of war, and those who have suffered other forms of trauma have found purpose and meaning through work that helps others experiencing similar circumstances (Southwick and Charney, 2012).
Finding Purpose in Connection with Others
Volunteering and building connections are also crucial for building strength. The APA argues that “whether you volunteer with a local homeless shelter or simply support a friend in their own time of need, you can garner a sense of purpose, foster self-worth, connect with other people and tangibly help others, all of which can empower you to grow in resilience” (2020). In psychological studies, researchers have discovered that “having a clear and valued purpose and committing fully to a mission, can dramatically strengthen one’s resilience” (Southwick and Charney, 2012: 158). Purpose (or meaning) gives us strength and courage.
I also believe that altruism can expand your point of view outside yourself, and help you develop compassion and empathy for others, by giving you a higher perspective of the world. Another (albeit less generous) point is this work can take your focus off yourself and your problems, thereby giving yourself a break from your anxieties.
There are many opportunities to volunteer, learn, donate, and educate others, whether it’s on racial inequality, economic inequality, or another issue you’re passionate about getting involved in. One need not look too far, for you likely have friends or family in need. One area of need I see is an “us versus them” mentality right now that is further dividing people.
“If You’re Not With Me, Then You’re My Enemy.”
It is tempting in our current social and political climate to get angry, withdraw, and neglect self-care. It is also easy to become cynical about everything going on in the world. Current events and social media create deeper divisions between us. In Braving the Wilderness, Dr. Brene Brown describes our society’s “us vs. them” mentality. She acknowledges that neutrality can be dangerous at times, but we must consider whether there are only two options. In philosophy, the attitude “if you’re not with me, then you’re against me” is termed a false dichotomy or false dilemma (Brown, 2017: 93).
We are dehumanizing our “enemies,” drawing lines in the sand, and ignoring the complexities in humanity’s problems. It’s easier to write people off than to try to engage them. We figure they’re wrong on one issue, so they’re terrible people. Awful, totally irredeemable.
I admit that I am sometimes guilty of this way of thinking. I compare Trump to a dictator, mock his Cheeto complexion, and take every opportunity to make fun of him; however, I feel outraged when someone attacks Pelosi in a meme using profane language. Neither Pelosi nor Trump is a perfect person. However, I still find myself wanting to get down in the mud with these “adversaries,” attack their shitty grammar and spelling, and pointing out that they will never win an argument by dropping f-bombs every other word.
A civil and calm discussion is what we need, but are we ready to listen to the other person? Honestly, I am not sure I am in the right mental space. I wonder how much this false dichotomy takes a toll on our mental health. Perhaps I need to focus on specific aspects of resilience to confront the inflexible thoughts that distort my perspective.
I hope and pray daily that the challenges we are facing at personal, national, and worldwide levels will lead to positive change, which will help create a safer, more equitable, and connected world.
References
Building your resilience. Retrieved July 3, 2020, from https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience
Brown, B. (2017). Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone (First Edition). Random House.
Manson, M. 5 Ways to Build Resilience and Conquer Adversity | Mark Manson. Retrieved July 3, 2020, from https://markmanson.net/resilience
AlMufti, M. (2017, October 6). Altruism and Resilience – a crucial yet complex link and why it pays to be kind. EVAQ8.Co.Uk. Retrieved August 9, 2020, from https://evaq8.co.uk/blog/altruism-and-resilience-a-crucial-yet-complex-link/#:~:text=Altruism%20is%20intrinsic%2C%20reciprocal%2C%20fosters%20Resilience%20%E2%80%93%20AND,behaviour%20throughout%20history%20and%20has%20real%20survival%20value.
Southwick, S. M., & Charney, D. S. (2012). Resilience : The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges. Cambridge University Press.
Wrzesniewski, A., McCauley, C. R., Rozin, P., & Schwartz, B. (1997). Jobs, careers, and callings: People’s relations to their work. Journal of Research in Personality , 31, 21–33.